the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
