I seem to have left my pride at pride
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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