He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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