on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
