@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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