I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
