So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
