Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
