After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
