Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
someone get that fucking seahorse.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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