you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
