when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
