Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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