if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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