I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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