I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
