Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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