my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We left the knife in your bed.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
