Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
