She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
