guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
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