we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
