Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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