I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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