I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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