I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
nutella sex= disaster
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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