i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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