i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
