Your face is a jimmy john
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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