just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
