I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
