4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
