My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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