; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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