he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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