New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
