just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
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I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
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I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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