Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just had sex bonerless
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
