as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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