Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
