why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
