you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
