Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
