I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
