Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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