He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
