my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize