yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
