I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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