dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
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We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Floor bacon is actually really good
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