it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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