I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
