Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
