I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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