Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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