so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
