I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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