you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
