totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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