Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How external is "for external use only"?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
