would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
