We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
