the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
