bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
