i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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