I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
