Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Barsexuality is the new black.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
