i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
