In the future we'll all be gay
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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