im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
