Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
