Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
