I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
