i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
