oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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