Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
